L I S T E N I N G T O 🎧🎼 : ” I Got Myself” by WILOUGH
It has been a minute since my last post but I needed inspiration.
I found it in this post scrolling through twitter. And I thought for a long while on it.
What things have I had to shed during my transformation from caterpillar to monarch.
Here’s my list.
1. STOPPED WISHING FOR A DIFFERENT FACE.
When I was younger, almost everyday I wished to have a new face, hoping that one day I would wake up and look in the mirror to find a whole new *prettier* person looking back at me. I wanted a rounder face, lighter face, lighter eyes — basically a biracial barbie. But I’ve come to love me how I am. My cocoa skin, my dark brown eyes, and oval shaped face.
2. INTERRACIAL COUPLES COUPLES ARE BEAUTIFUL. BLACK COUPLES ARE BEAUTIFUL.
In the black community especially, there us this stigma that there is something wrong with you if you’re in a relationship with someone of another race *but really a white person*. It’s funny though because with the black people I’ve encountered, there really isn’t an issue if someone is mixed with Dominican or Puerto Rican. As a matter of fact, my cousins’ *grandmother* is mixed with Puerto Rican and whenever they tell people this they say it as if it’s something to boast about. Now I’m all about self-love but you being mixed doesn’t make you any better or prettier than someone who isn’t *my cousins think otherwise*. As long as the love and relationship is genuine, then there shouldn’t be a problem.
3. WHITE PEOPLE ARE INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: DIRTY AND WEIRD.
So my biological mother was looking at pictures on my phone and stopped on a picture of some of my school friends. *During this time I was living in rural KY so my school was predominately white*. So upon looking at this picture, her immediate reaction was ” Eww, look at those dirty white people” with a look of amusement and disgust. Now something raised up in me and I got angry very quickly *I surprised my own self because at the time I was super quiet and hadn’t found my voice* . As soon as she said it I stormed off, and she was so perplexed and even had a little attitude with me at the fact that this offended me. She later came up to me and gave a half-way apology and said that “it was something we’ve always said”. But this time was different.
Now that I reflect on this moment today, I’ve concluded that her “joke” upset me because those “dirty white people” were my friends and still are. My best friends. And they didn’t deserve to be insulted that way. It is something though, because my friends keep a cleaner house than my biological mother does *sips tea*.
4. RELAXERS ARE CANCELLED.
Natural hair was thought of as nappy and unmanageable unless you were biracial. My hair was relaxed from the time I was about 9 until I started transitioning in 2013. Going natural was the best decision I’ve made for my hair. My hair thicker and longer in the about 3 years I’ve been natural than it ever was relaxed. My hair has taught me PATIENCE, self-love, and confidence. And I wouldn’t change it for anything.
5. CONFORMITY IS NOT THE ONLY OPTION.
In one of previous posts, I talked about taking back my power choice by deciding not to get my eyebrows waxed or nails done. I plan to take it a step further and just be me in all aspects of my life, starting with my style. I LOVE FASHION * I mean I payed for a Vogue subscription with my own money plus I’ve watched just about every episode of ANTM and Australia’s Next Top Model, and Project Runway*. While I’m still trying to define my style, so far it’s a mix between 70’s flare, high-waisted, slightly urban goodness with a dash of avant-garde appreciation. Oh and let’s not forget big hair, that’s a definite. I know that’s a lot of style but I want to be braver in the things I actually want to wear, not a toned down version.
And that’s all I have to say about that.
Thank you so much for reading ❤
P.S. Does my list look anything like yours? Feel free to share the things you’ve had to unlearn ✌🏾